This is going to be a little bit of a rant but so be it.
I was walking my dog today when I pasted a lady and a little boy. As I approached to walk by them I felt a sudden hit of anxiety as I had no idea what to do, where should I look? What should I do? I completely freaked out from just walking by someone. So what happened? Not much, the lady smiled at me and I returned the smile, tight lipped and eyes averted to the ground. It was then that I had a sudden realisation;
People, especially those from older generations, tend to go on about how youths “these days” are rude and ungrateful. Yes this may be true but what I am writing about isn’t in the defence for those who are actually rude and ungrateful but for those who do experience this anxiety. I can’t give an exact duration of how long I have suffered from anxiety and depression, I went through an extremely hard time for myself and although I am now “better”, both of these demons are constantly in the background of my life, lurking and waiting in the depth of my being. Back to my point of this post though, it was once I walked past the lady with my eyes on the ground that I realised that this may of come off as rude. And that if I were my mum, I would of smiled and said hello, even asked how she was. This may sound simple, and yes as I write it down it is. But for me this simple tasking of saying hello and asking how one is isn’t simple. Its hard and its tough. The possible rejection outweighs all possible benefits – benefits of saying hello and how are you, it sounds ridiculous! And it is ridiculous, I realise this but it is how it is.
So when I hear people scoffing at how rude youth can be it does upset me because not everyone is straight up rude. Some people have demons that they have to face every day, every hour and every minute. As much as I would’ve of liked to of casually greeted that lady, I couldn’t bring myself to. Yes some people are just rude, that is who they are, but others are shy and unsure of themselves.
I realise that this post is pretty much just talking about greeting a stranger and asking how they are which is just silly but today when this happened I just wanted to write about it and allow myself to justify my actions (kinda).
So to the lady that I passed today with the little boy, I know this is a little bit too late, but I want you to know I am not a rude person, I wanted very much to say something so “hello, how are you? I hope you’re enjoying your walk in the sunshine”